by Leah Sorensen, LMSW
Social Worker, Diven Elementary School
If you find yourself stressed out or at the end of the rope with your child (or children). Don’t worry. We’ve all been there. It’s what you do next that is important:
Take a break.
Model this for your child and before you know it he or she will be doing it too! Try saying something like this, “Mommy is so frustrated right now I feel like I might lose control. I’m going to _____________ (take a few deep breaths, go into my room for a few minutes, stop and count to ten, etc.) until I am more calm.”
Do not discipline your child until your own emotions are under control.
Respond in as calm a manner as you are able. Children need boundaries in order to feel safe, and you are not a bad parent if you tell them they cannot do something, especially if that “something” is outside of your value system or is unsafe.
Reach out to friends, family, or a faith group for support.
The phrase “it takes a village” is popular for a reason. We are not meant to raise children on our own. Find a trusted friend or family member you can trade childcare with or who can step in on those days when you just need a break.
Take time for yourself.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Even if it is only those “mini vacations” from the time it takes you to walk from the passenger side of the car to the driver’s seat, savor the time you have to just be “you.”
We tend to parent and discipline in the ways we were parented ourselves.
If you have been reading these articles on child abuse and neglect and you realize you may have a problem, reach out for help. We know that most parents truly love their children and are trying to do the right thing, but might not know where to begin. Children’s Integrated Services (CIS) is a valuable local resource with parent educators available to help you at a location of your convenience. They even are able to come into your home and work directly with you and your children if that is something you are interested in doing.
Many parents are concerned about reaching out to an agency because they fear that agency will take their children away. While I can understand why that fear exists, the primary purpose of these agencies is to keep families together and to help them be the healthiest families they can be.
I know I am not judgmental when I find out that a parent has reached out and gotten connected with an agency on their own for help, rather I am impressed. I am grateful when parents break the cycle and say, “This is not how I want things to be. I need help.” I admire parents who are proactive and have the courage to make changes.
However, if you’re not yet ready to reach out to the community, there are lots of online communities and resources available, so you can remain anonymous.
Help and Hope
http://www.helpandhope.org/default.asp
The Learning Community
http://tinyurl.com/Lovingly-in-Charge
Positive Discipline Blog
https://www.positivediscipline.com/blog-category/parents
Prevent Child Abuse
http://tinyurl.com/healthy-discipline
Aha! Parenting
http://tinyurl.com/aha-parenting-anger
Imperfect Families
https://imperfectfamilies.com/help-for-angry-parent/
Center for Parenting Education
https://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/
There are also local parenting classes offered through Comprehensive Interdisciplinary Developmental Services (CIDS) with topics such as:
- Flip It: Does your child or a child in your care seem to be testing you with challenging behaviors/Do you feel like you’ve tried everything? Don’t flip out – use flip it! (5 week class, meets once weekly).
- Parenting with Heart: Would you benefit from participating in a parenting class where you decide what you want to learn? We have the group for you.
- Positive Parenting of Ages 4-12 (two sessions, each 2.5 hours in length, Monday April 29th and Wednesday May 1st)
- Co-Parenting after Separation and Divorce (Friday, July 26th 10:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m. and Friday, October 4th 10:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.).
For more information about any of these classes contact Karen Sweeney at (607)426-4879 or markarensweeney@gmail.com.
We also know that use of alcohol and drugs contributes to child abuse and neglect. Make sure you take care of your own mental health by seeing a counselor if necessary. If you are suffering from addiction find a safe place for your children and seek help.
Children’s Integrated Services
(607) 737-5582 Monday – Friday 8:30-4:30
After Hours: (607) 481-3963
Crisis Program
(607) 737-5369 24 hours, 7 days a week
Children & Family Services
(607) 737-5417
2-1-1 HELPLINE
A free and confidential information and referral service that connects individuals with resources and volunteer opportunities in our community. 2-1-1 HELPLINE directs those in need to hundreds of local human service agencies, government programs, and self-help and support groups. Callers speak directly to the information and referral specialists Monday – Friday 8:30 – 5:00, with crisis referral 24 hours/day, 7 days/week. Dial 2-1-1 or search www.211helpline.org
Elmira Family Resource Center EOP
650 Baldwin St. | Elmira | 1st Floor
Mon & Thurs. 8:30 – 1:30
Wed. Noon – 6 p.m.
Music and Movement will be offered weekly beginning March 12 – 10:00 a.m.
For more information contact Emily Lunduski, EFRC Coord. at 607-734-3941 x 214 or by e-mail at ELunduski@chemchildcare.com
Building a strong community and empowering families to raise healthy children. The EFRC is a program of the Chem. Co. Child Care Council.
Connections Family Resource Center Transformation Center
314 W. Church St., Elmira NY 14905
OPEN: Tues. thru Thurs. from 10:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.
Come and enjoy a safe place for you and your family to play and meet other local families.
Horseheads Family Resource Center
Horseheads First United Methodist Church, 1034 W. Broad St., Horseheads, NY
The Horseheads Family Resource Center is a fun and welcoming place where families with young children experience the wonder of play, make friends, and learn about our community in a safe, enriching environment. There is so much to do at the Center. There is no charge.
Mon. Closed
Tues. 1:30 p.m. – 7:30 p.m. | Gym 3:30 p.m. – 6:30 p.m.
Wed. 8:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m. | Gym 9:30 a.m. – 12:30 p.m.
Thurs. 8:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m. | Gym 10:00 a.m. – 1:00 p.m
Contact: Joan Ostrander at 483-1067 or www.horseheadsfamilyresourcecenter.org and on Facebook.